Application
Senshi: Sailor Bastet sailor of protection, Kemet, Senshi of Felines and protection
Name: Kat Henson
Age: 16
Birthdate: 5th of May
School/Occupation: Home schooled, works at the local pet store
Major NPCs:
Father: Bob Henson
Mother: Clarisse
Brother or sister: unknown
History:
Born in Canada, she was always left out and had a hard time making friends due to her fiery nature. She was expelled from her first school because of getting to a fight with the bully of the school, Shane. After that her parents tried to enrol her in other schools, but she always managed to get expelled. After her fourth school her father and mother decided to home school her.
When her mother becomes pregnant, she becomes excited for the arrival of her new brother or sister. 2 months into her mothers pregnancy, Kat's out with her mother on a walk at twilight. Close to home they get approached by a very drunk looking man. Her mother protectively stands infront of her 12 year old daughter. The man threatens them and Kats mom refuses to comply. The man pulls out a knife and things just get worse. He threatens them again and again she refuses to comply. He lunges at them and Kats mom pushes her aside, while she jumps clumsily the other way. The man ignores Kat and goes for her mother. In fear for her mother and her unborn sister or brother a talisman appears before her.
Kat reaches for it and as soon as her hand closes around it she feels power flow through her. Standing with the talisman in her hand she yells out 'I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines, Bastet. Please give me strength to protect those who can not protect themselves!'. In a blast of light she becomes sailor Bastet for the first time. The man turns to her and her mother stares in astonishment. Calling out '.'In your evil you have hurt others, I sailor Bastet senshi of protection am your judge, you will burn by the royal flame' Holding out her hands fire flew towards the man. It engulfed him and when it dispersed he was gone.
After that time she rescued her mother, they grew apart. Her mother believe ing what she had done was wrong. When it was close to the time her mother would give birth she announced she was leaving. She kept the secret of Kat being sailor Bastet. Her mother left them the next day, refusing to tell Kats father why. But Kat knew very well the reason she had left and in her mind vowed to make sure no one ever saw her a sailor Bastet again.
She moved with her father to New York 2 years after. Her father had finally gained enough money to take them away from where they had been abandoned by her mother. The day she got there she felt a strange energy in the city. Since that day she has been searching for the origin of the energy she felt.
Personality:
Kat has a rather unpredictable temper, she has a caring and gentle side as well as an aggressive and protective side. She has been expelled from 4schools for serious fights (even when she is protecting others from bullies). She moves to New York with her father, at 14. She is now home schooled by her father at night, free to do as she pleases while her father works in the afternoon.
She gets a job at the local pet store, in care of cats. She hopes to own a cat sanctuary when she's older or continue working at the pet shop. In her free time she likes to hang around in Central Park, go for walks, or hang around her house drawing. Since her friends are normally in school during the day, she's by herself most of the time.
She has three close friends, Erin, Mary, and Robin. She finds it hard to be friends with boys and most other girls don't give her much of a chance to be friends. She hangs with her friends on most weekends, walks to their school with them in the morning and meets up with them afterwards.
Appearance
Her hair is light brown, it's not thick or thin it's in the middle some where, also very curly. She keeps it short and rarely ties it up. Her eyes are a green blue sort of colour. Height : 1.8 Meters, Weight: 115 lb
She prefers to dress in shorts, t-shirts and vests. She dresses kind of like a boy and very rarely wears dresses or skirts. (Besides when transformed).
Fuku:
I have a pic on DA
jackledusty.deviantart.com/art…
Transformation:
'I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines and protection Bastet.'. She crosses her arms on her chest like a pharaoh would and fire winds around her body till she is no longer visible and when it disperses or dies she appears in her sailor form.
Powers:
Power one:
In your evil you have hurt others, I sailor Bastet senshi of protection am your judge, you will burn by the royal flame' this first attack is her most powerful. It gives her the ability to send someone to the maat. She rarely uses it because it uses so much of her power and is often unreliable. In most cases she relies upon her cat like agility and speed.
Power two:
'Great god Horus lend your power to me, sailor Bastet, so I may (protect myself or see a clue to my target) using the Utchat (all seeing eye of Horus) .' this power is not an attack. It is used to either blind an attacker in order to escape or gain an advantage. It can also show the holder a clue to the users target. It can be used by any once activated by Sailor Bastet. It can be stollen by someone to gain the clue Sailor Bastet has asked for.
Explanation:
Bastet is a goddess of felines and protection, people would put statues of her in their homes to protect themselves from thieves, rats, snakes, and rodents. She appeared originally with the head of a lioness to symbolise her strength and fury. Later on she appeared with the head of a domestic cat to symbolise her more caring part. She was a servant of Ra and protected the pharaoh. She was in the beginning associated with the rising sun, but later on when the Greek goddess Artemis came she became associated with the moon and children. She wore a white dress with gold lining and a golden necklace. In a story she was given the all seeing eye of Horus to protect, also she was described as the final judge and burning the corpses of the guilty who did not pass judgement in the hall of Maat.
Writing Sample:
"Kat! Hurry up! We'll miss the plane." Kats fathers voice had yelled from downstairs. 'I don't get why we're leaving any way' she had thought, but she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder and lugged her suit case downstairs. Her father had waited impatiently tapping his foot. Once she was down the stairs, he'd turned and opened the door where the taxi had waited.
They had road to the airport in silence. Kats father had described the move to New York as a chance to get a new perspective on their life. Kat had scoffed at that, but she secretly had always felt a strange appeal toward the city, as if she were always meant to go their. Once on the plane her father had gone on and on about places in New York. But Kat hadn't really been listening. She'd been glaring at her talisman (now made into a necklace). It had been growing warmer and warmer the closer they got to NY.
Leaving the airport had proved to be the mot difficult thing, pulled aside by a customs manager for bringing food in from outside the country. Kat had stood there for close to half an hour while her father fought with the manager. She had been itching to get out side and ditch her father somewhere, so she could find the source of the power she felt. Finally her father had given up and they were allowed to leave.
"Dad!" Kat had yelled up to her father. "I'm going out to the park." 'To find what's making my talisman freak like this' she'd thought holding it tightly. "Ok honey. Be back before dark." He'd yelled back from hanging on the chandelier. She had shook her head as she left. Walking to the park took less then 15 minutes. She'd stopped in a clearing hidden from the view of others. Holding her talisman she said "I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines and protection Bastet." She'd changed into Sailor Bastet quickly.
Climbing a the tallest tree in the park, she'd looked out into the city. Her talisman throbbed against her throat. She'd held out her hand. "Great god Horus lend your power to me, sailor Bastet, so I may see a clue to my target using your Utchat." She'd watched in wonder as the air shimmered before her. It hadn't shown her anything this vivid before. It showed her groups of people dressed in similar uniforms to hers. 'So I'm not the only Soldier to have come here looking for this power.' She'd thought.
The sun had been setting by the time she'd arrived back at her house. She'd ignored her fathers attempts to speak with her and had gone straight to her room. She'd curled up on her bed and though about the images she'd seen. She wasn't sure who these groups of Soldiers were, but she'd been sure they defiantly weren't her friends or allies.
Name: Kat Henson
Age: 16
Birthdate: 5th of May
School/Occupation: Home schooled, works at the local pet store
Major NPCs:
Father: Bob Henson
Mother: Clarisse
Brother or sister: unknown
History:
Born in Canada, she was always left out and had a hard time making friends due to her fiery nature. She was expelled from her first school because of getting to a fight with the bully of the school, Shane. After that her parents tried to enrol her in other schools, but she always managed to get expelled. After her fourth school her father and mother decided to home school her.
When her mother becomes pregnant, she becomes excited for the arrival of her new brother or sister. 2 months into her mothers pregnancy, Kat's out with her mother on a walk at twilight. Close to home they get approached by a very drunk looking man. Her mother protectively stands infront of her 12 year old daughter. The man threatens them and Kats mom refuses to comply. The man pulls out a knife and things just get worse. He threatens them again and again she refuses to comply. He lunges at them and Kats mom pushes her aside, while she jumps clumsily the other way. The man ignores Kat and goes for her mother. In fear for her mother and her unborn sister or brother a talisman appears before her.
Kat reaches for it and as soon as her hand closes around it she feels power flow through her. Standing with the talisman in her hand she yells out 'I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines, Bastet. Please give me strength to protect those who can not protect themselves!'. In a blast of light she becomes sailor Bastet for the first time. The man turns to her and her mother stares in astonishment. Calling out '.'In your evil you have hurt others, I sailor Bastet senshi of protection am your judge, you will burn by the royal flame' Holding out her hands fire flew towards the man. It engulfed him and when it dispersed he was gone.
After that time she rescued her mother, they grew apart. Her mother believe ing what she had done was wrong. When it was close to the time her mother would give birth she announced she was leaving. She kept the secret of Kat being sailor Bastet. Her mother left them the next day, refusing to tell Kats father why. But Kat knew very well the reason she had left and in her mind vowed to make sure no one ever saw her a sailor Bastet again.
She moved with her father to New York 2 years after. Her father had finally gained enough money to take them away from where they had been abandoned by her mother. The day she got there she felt a strange energy in the city. Since that day she has been searching for the origin of the energy she felt.
Personality:
Kat has a rather unpredictable temper, she has a caring and gentle side as well as an aggressive and protective side. She has been expelled from 4schools for serious fights (even when she is protecting others from bullies). She moves to New York with her father, at 14. She is now home schooled by her father at night, free to do as she pleases while her father works in the afternoon.
She gets a job at the local pet store, in care of cats. She hopes to own a cat sanctuary when she's older or continue working at the pet shop. In her free time she likes to hang around in Central Park, go for walks, or hang around her house drawing. Since her friends are normally in school during the day, she's by herself most of the time.
She has three close friends, Erin, Mary, and Robin. She finds it hard to be friends with boys and most other girls don't give her much of a chance to be friends. She hangs with her friends on most weekends, walks to their school with them in the morning and meets up with them afterwards.
Appearance
Her hair is light brown, it's not thick or thin it's in the middle some where, also very curly. She keeps it short and rarely ties it up. Her eyes are a green blue sort of colour. Height : 1.8 Meters, Weight: 115 lb
She prefers to dress in shorts, t-shirts and vests. She dresses kind of like a boy and very rarely wears dresses or skirts. (Besides when transformed).
Fuku:
I have a pic on DA
jackledusty.deviantart.com/art…
Transformation:
'I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines and protection Bastet.'. She crosses her arms on her chest like a pharaoh would and fire winds around her body till she is no longer visible and when it disperses or dies she appears in her sailor form.
Powers:
Power one:
In your evil you have hurt others, I sailor Bastet senshi of protection am your judge, you will burn by the royal flame' this first attack is her most powerful. It gives her the ability to send someone to the maat. She rarely uses it because it uses so much of her power and is often unreliable. In most cases she relies upon her cat like agility and speed.
Power two:
'Great god Horus lend your power to me, sailor Bastet, so I may (protect myself or see a clue to my target) using the Utchat (all seeing eye of Horus) .' this power is not an attack. It is used to either blind an attacker in order to escape or gain an advantage. It can also show the holder a clue to the users target. It can be used by any once activated by Sailor Bastet. It can be stollen by someone to gain the clue Sailor Bastet has asked for.
Explanation:
Bastet is a goddess of felines and protection, people would put statues of her in their homes to protect themselves from thieves, rats, snakes, and rodents. She appeared originally with the head of a lioness to symbolise her strength and fury. Later on she appeared with the head of a domestic cat to symbolise her more caring part. She was a servant of Ra and protected the pharaoh. She was in the beginning associated with the rising sun, but later on when the Greek goddess Artemis came she became associated with the moon and children. She wore a white dress with gold lining and a golden necklace. In a story she was given the all seeing eye of Horus to protect, also she was described as the final judge and burning the corpses of the guilty who did not pass judgement in the hall of Maat.
Writing Sample:
"Kat! Hurry up! We'll miss the plane." Kats fathers voice had yelled from downstairs. 'I don't get why we're leaving any way' she had thought, but she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder and lugged her suit case downstairs. Her father had waited impatiently tapping his foot. Once she was down the stairs, he'd turned and opened the door where the taxi had waited.
They had road to the airport in silence. Kats father had described the move to New York as a chance to get a new perspective on their life. Kat had scoffed at that, but she secretly had always felt a strange appeal toward the city, as if she were always meant to go their. Once on the plane her father had gone on and on about places in New York. But Kat hadn't really been listening. She'd been glaring at her talisman (now made into a necklace). It had been growing warmer and warmer the closer they got to NY.
Leaving the airport had proved to be the mot difficult thing, pulled aside by a customs manager for bringing food in from outside the country. Kat had stood there for close to half an hour while her father fought with the manager. She had been itching to get out side and ditch her father somewhere, so she could find the source of the power she felt. Finally her father had given up and they were allowed to leave.
"Dad!" Kat had yelled up to her father. "I'm going out to the park." 'To find what's making my talisman freak like this' she'd thought holding it tightly. "Ok honey. Be back before dark." He'd yelled back from hanging on the chandelier. She had shook her head as she left. Walking to the park took less then 15 minutes. She'd stopped in a clearing hidden from the view of others. Holding her talisman she said "I call on the great power of the Egyptian god of felines and protection Bastet." She'd changed into Sailor Bastet quickly.
Climbing a the tallest tree in the park, she'd looked out into the city. Her talisman throbbed against her throat. She'd held out her hand. "Great god Horus lend your power to me, sailor Bastet, so I may see a clue to my target using your Utchat." She'd watched in wonder as the air shimmered before her. It hadn't shown her anything this vivid before. It showed her groups of people dressed in similar uniforms to hers. 'So I'm not the only Soldier to have come here looking for this power.' She'd thought.
The sun had been setting by the time she'd arrived back at her house. She'd ignored her fathers attempts to speak with her and had gone straight to her room. She'd curled up on her bed and though about the images she'd seen. She wasn't sure who these groups of Soldiers were, but she'd been sure they defiantly weren't her friends or allies.
Results
Strong fuku design, but the character as written doesn't quite work within the Sailor Myth universe. The verdict for your application at this time is Reject.
Detailed commentary follows. Asterisks indicate those elements which would require revising before reconsideration.
Character Info
- The senshi section just needs to be Title-Name-Group-Power -- e.g. "Sailor Bastet, Kemet Senshi of Protection"
- You need to choose one power base for your primary theme. You can make her the senshi of Protection or Felines, but not both. (I would suggest using felines and having protection be an aspect of this, as felines are protectors of homes and grain stores from rodents and the like.)
- Kat is usually a nickname; is it short for anything here?
* Sibling can't be "unknown." Perhaps Kat doesn't know her sibling, but the sibling is certainly known to someone.
- Some more detail on her family would be good. What do her parents do for a living? What are their personalities?
History
* What was Kat's early childhood like?
* Why was Kat such a troubled child? How old was she when she was first expelled? What kind of damage did she do that she has been kicked out of so many schools? (Are there psychological issues at play?)
- For Kat to be kicked out of multiple schools indicates a level of violence usually seen as psychologically troubling. One or two instances might be understandable, but it starts seeming like something is seriously wrong with Kat when her fighting is so frequent and so vicious that she is the one who is blamed for it, bullies aside or no. (The mention of how many schools and the why of her fights should be listed in History, not Personality.)
* What kind of area did Kat live in that an armed man would attack her and her mother? What did the man want? Money? Kat's unborn sibling?
* Talismans are presented by guardians and do not randomly appear. Although Kat could have transformed under extreme duress, she wouldn't be able to control it, and would not be fully aware of her senshi identity.
- The departure of Kat's mother is odd. Why did her mother believe her daughter had done something so terrible when Kat was protecting her mother and unborn sibling?
* Why did Kat's father choose to move to New York, particularly given that is it another country? When did they make the move? How did Kat react to moving? What borough did they move to?
Personality
- Most of this information would be better suited to other sections of her application. Moving to NYC, her father working afternoons, and her job are details belonging in history, while her friends belong in history and the NPC section (and should be expanded upon -- how did she meet them, what is her relationship like with them, what does she like about them?).
- You describe Kat as having an unpredictable temper, caring and gentle but also aggressive and protective. Explore these ideas. How are these personality traits expressed in her everyday life? (Examples are good, e.g., she expresses her caring side by knitting socks for people) Why does she behave the way she does, where did she learn her behaviors, what has shaped them? How are her academics?
Appearance
- How short cut is her hair? Is it shoulder length? Is it bobbed around her ears?
- What are some of the features that distinguish her from other people? Does she have a round face, thin lips, large ears, big hands, muscled physique?
Fuku
* Her fuku still needs a description, even if an image is provided.
- It's a very solid fuku design, especially the mask, and yellow is a great color choice. You might consider adding a bit more detail or decoration to the main body of the fuku to bring it up to the detail level of the mask?
Transformation
- What is her transformation relic?
Powers
- These power phrases are very long -- consider shorter phrases. An enemy might attack Bastet before she can finish calling out her power.
- What does her first power actually do? You say it send people "to the maat" -- to the senshi Maat? How long does it last, what is its actual effect on a target? Is it intended as an instant kill ability? (If so, it needs to be changed, instant kill powers aren't allowed.)
- You used the phrase of this first power in the history section, but in her history the effect of the power was to incinerate someone. Is this intended to be the same power?
- Feline agility and speed would count as a passive power.
- Why does she call upon Horus in her second power? How does she target an enemy for blinding and how long does the blinding last? What kind of clues does the eye reveal, and in what manner are they revealed?
- How do these powers relate to her power sphere(s)?
Explanation
- While Bastet may be connected to the Eye or Horus and the Hall of Maat, you should try to stick to elements which are more innately Bastet's for the basis of your character. Additionally, some these elements seem to be a bit obscure, as I couldn't find any reference of them in articles focusing on Bastet, so links to sources would be appreciated!
Writing Sample
- The writing sample should cover a specific point in time, as if a tag were being written. The time period covered is too broad.
- Once properly awakened by a guardian, senshi can sense nearby transformed senshi; it's not an ability which is tied to any talisman, nor should senshi be in possession of a magical obejct which does anything other than assist them in their transformation.
- Talismans don't give senshi any special senses.
- Her father doesn't seem to care too much about where she goes or what she's up to, in a strange city that neither of them have lived in before. Perhaps he's an apathetic parent, but that's not stated anywhere.
- You used the past perfect throughout; please consider revising to simple past tense, e.g., "She had shook her head as she left." -> "She shook her head as she left. "
- Start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
Detailed commentary follows. Asterisks indicate those elements which would require revising before reconsideration.
Character Info
- The senshi section just needs to be Title-Name-Group-Power -- e.g. "Sailor Bastet, Kemet Senshi of Protection"
- You need to choose one power base for your primary theme. You can make her the senshi of Protection or Felines, but not both. (I would suggest using felines and having protection be an aspect of this, as felines are protectors of homes and grain stores from rodents and the like.)
- Kat is usually a nickname; is it short for anything here?
* Sibling can't be "unknown." Perhaps Kat doesn't know her sibling, but the sibling is certainly known to someone.
- Some more detail on her family would be good. What do her parents do for a living? What are their personalities?
History
* What was Kat's early childhood like?
* Why was Kat such a troubled child? How old was she when she was first expelled? What kind of damage did she do that she has been kicked out of so many schools? (Are there psychological issues at play?)
- For Kat to be kicked out of multiple schools indicates a level of violence usually seen as psychologically troubling. One or two instances might be understandable, but it starts seeming like something is seriously wrong with Kat when her fighting is so frequent and so vicious that she is the one who is blamed for it, bullies aside or no. (The mention of how many schools and the why of her fights should be listed in History, not Personality.)
* What kind of area did Kat live in that an armed man would attack her and her mother? What did the man want? Money? Kat's unborn sibling?
* Talismans are presented by guardians and do not randomly appear. Although Kat could have transformed under extreme duress, she wouldn't be able to control it, and would not be fully aware of her senshi identity.
- The departure of Kat's mother is odd. Why did her mother believe her daughter had done something so terrible when Kat was protecting her mother and unborn sibling?
* Why did Kat's father choose to move to New York, particularly given that is it another country? When did they make the move? How did Kat react to moving? What borough did they move to?
Personality
- Most of this information would be better suited to other sections of her application. Moving to NYC, her father working afternoons, and her job are details belonging in history, while her friends belong in history and the NPC section (and should be expanded upon -- how did she meet them, what is her relationship like with them, what does she like about them?).
- You describe Kat as having an unpredictable temper, caring and gentle but also aggressive and protective. Explore these ideas. How are these personality traits expressed in her everyday life? (Examples are good, e.g., she expresses her caring side by knitting socks for people) Why does she behave the way she does, where did she learn her behaviors, what has shaped them? How are her academics?
Appearance
- How short cut is her hair? Is it shoulder length? Is it bobbed around her ears?
- What are some of the features that distinguish her from other people? Does she have a round face, thin lips, large ears, big hands, muscled physique?
Fuku
* Her fuku still needs a description, even if an image is provided.
- It's a very solid fuku design, especially the mask, and yellow is a great color choice. You might consider adding a bit more detail or decoration to the main body of the fuku to bring it up to the detail level of the mask?
Transformation
- What is her transformation relic?
Powers
- These power phrases are very long -- consider shorter phrases. An enemy might attack Bastet before she can finish calling out her power.
- What does her first power actually do? You say it send people "to the maat" -- to the senshi Maat? How long does it last, what is its actual effect on a target? Is it intended as an instant kill ability? (If so, it needs to be changed, instant kill powers aren't allowed.)
- You used the phrase of this first power in the history section, but in her history the effect of the power was to incinerate someone. Is this intended to be the same power?
- Feline agility and speed would count as a passive power.
- Why does she call upon Horus in her second power? How does she target an enemy for blinding and how long does the blinding last? What kind of clues does the eye reveal, and in what manner are they revealed?
- How do these powers relate to her power sphere(s)?
Explanation
- While Bastet may be connected to the Eye or Horus and the Hall of Maat, you should try to stick to elements which are more innately Bastet's for the basis of your character. Additionally, some these elements seem to be a bit obscure, as I couldn't find any reference of them in articles focusing on Bastet, so links to sources would be appreciated!
Writing Sample
- The writing sample should cover a specific point in time, as if a tag were being written. The time period covered is too broad.
- Once properly awakened by a guardian, senshi can sense nearby transformed senshi; it's not an ability which is tied to any talisman, nor should senshi be in possession of a magical obejct which does anything other than assist them in their transformation.
- Talismans don't give senshi any special senses.
- Her father doesn't seem to care too much about where she goes or what she's up to, in a strange city that neither of them have lived in before. Perhaps he's an apathetic parent, but that's not stated anywhere.
- You used the past perfect throughout; please consider revising to simple past tense, e.g., "She had shook her head as she left." -> "She shook her head as she left. "
- Start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.